Anxiety in Childhood.

D starts preschool next week.

Holy shit. My kid starts preschool next week!

I’m really excited for him to meet new friends and have some fun with kids his own age. He has literally spent every single day of his life with either his parents or grandparents.  That’s awesome for our bank account and I realize what a luxury it is that I’ve been able to have D with me 3 days a week and that we have grandparents living close by and at a stage in their lives where they are retired and/or working in the school systems and have summers off to hang out with my kid.

 

The downside to this is that D doesn’t really have a lot of experience interacting with kids his own age on a regular basis.

I mean, he goes places and plays with kids, but he isn’t going to daycare with a built in friend system.

Social interaction is one of the main reasons we are sending D to preschool. I don’t think he needs the academic portion, but he does need to spend time with kids his own age and learn how to share damn my broken vagina and my inability to get pregnant with a sibling… follow a set schedule and get in the groove for kindergarten next year.  And I have to admit that I’m looking forward to 6 hours a week for just me…

 

 

As the first day draws closer, D is getting very obviously anxious. Each day he tells me more and more frequently that he’s scared and doesn’t want to go anymore.  When I ask him what he’s afraid of, he can’t give me a specific reason. Which as the reigning Queen of Anxiety, I totally understand.  The preschool we chose, we picked because it’s in a place (the church I grew up in) he knows and it’s literally across the street from where my dad and his girlfriend… live.  He’s been in the church multiple times and we drive past every time we go to visit Papa.

I don’t know what to do to help him.  There’s an open house tomorrow where he will meet the teacher,  see the classroom and see all the fun and exciting new things and toys. I’m hoping that will help a lot.

If I’m being honest, what I’m afraid of is D having to deal with anxiety and the stigma attached with that forever. And I’m desperately afraid he gets that from me. Anxiety is not anything I would wish on anyone. Especially my four year old child.

 

Being a Grandchild of Divorce

Man Cub is now 4 and a half years old and is starting to realize that once upon a time Amma and Papa, my parents, were married.

Next month will be 2 years since their divorce was official and November will be 7 years since they split up.

He has never known my parents as married.

B’s parents are still married and he’s noticing a difference.

Add in my Dad’s girlfriend…who he calls by her first name, and the poor kid doesn’t know what to make of things.

I don’t ever want him to think that one day his parents will get divorced. Even if that is one of my super secret fears that rears up when the Anxiety Monster is around…

 

I’m really not sure what or how to say to D. I don’t know how to explain things to him in a way a 4 year old will understand, but not be confused or afraid it will happen to him.

The upside is that now everything is final and we’ve all (mostly) come to terms with all the emotional junk that came with being a married 20-something when my parents split up.

I make a conscience effort to spend time with all three sets of grandparents and try to make things as equal as I can. Even if my parents aren’t together and there’s a girlfriend in the picture, at least there is no shortage of people who love and care about my son. I just wish I knew how to help him understand without harping on the issue and bringing up my own baggage.

Sigh, yet again… I’m wishing there was an instruction book that came along with D when he was born.

So long, 2013

There are only a few hours left of 2013. I keep seeing people posting on Facebook and Twitter about 2013 being the worst year ever. The last year may have sucked, but you are around to celebrate a new year full of possibility, wonder and no mistakes. Is life really that bad?

Looking back, 2013 has had some definite ups and downs, but I’m going to end 2013 and begin 2014 with a roof over my head, more than enough food to eat, my husband and our son. I really can’t complain.

I was only awake to ring in 2013 because there was a 3 week old baby who needed to eat.

I had no complaints about the new year until January 7th. Our less than one month old son went to the doctor because Momma didn’t think something was right to being admitted to the hospital with a medical issue requiring immediate surgery. D’s recovery didn’t go as well as hoped and we spent a few additional days in the hospital. It was bittersweet to celebrate D’s first month birthday with him in the hospital, but the day before he looked me in the eye and gave me his first genuine smile.  

In February B and I had our first date night out since D was born. I had one glass of wine and a serious case of the tipsy giggles.

March had me cursing Michigan and the never-ending winter. D had his first sleepover at Grammy’s. I had the barfs and B had no more patience. Thank God for grandparents who all live 20 minutes or less away and are all willing to take D when his parents need a break!

In April there was a bomb near the finish of the Boston Marathon and our nation banded together to support the victims of the bombing and to find the people responsible. April was a busy month developmentally for D. He started rolling over on his own, started cereal and learned how to take selfies!

May brought a serious heat wave and D figured out how to roll with purpose and loved rolling under the coffee table and getting stuck under there and was sitting up on his own for extended amounts of time.

June brought summer vacation and 3 whole months with D. At his 6 month check D has finally double his lowest pre-surgery weight. B’s grandfather passed away after a quick decline due to dementia. Four years passed since my last grandparent passed away. D graduated from physical therapy after a diagnosis of torticollis (muscles on one side of his neck were shorter than the other making it difficult for him to turn his head to the left).

In July B and I celebrated our 5 anniversary, D learned to crawl and almost immediately started pulling up on the furniture and trying to stand on his own. D also earned his first black eye. 🙂

August was insanely busy. In. Sane. In the span of 7 days my sister got married, D got his first teeth (after many a sleepless night) and B’s other grandpa passed away.

In September D started walking and got four more teeth. I got multiple emails advising me on the right time to lose my virginity. Say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?! That ship has more than sailed…

In October I lost my job working in the local school system and I got a dream job working in D’s daycare. D discovered a love of veggies and decided sleeping through the night was a thing of the past. I missed taking pics of D in his absolutely adorable costume for his first Halloween when he threw up all over himself, his car seat and the backseat of my car on our way to go trick or treating. No photo proof, but definitely memorable! Not my proudest Mommy moment.

November and Thanksgiving brought around the last of D’s firsts. D got to meet his Auntie Rachel, my best friend from middle school who lives out of state. My bottomless pit of a son out ate me for the first, but probably not last time.

December. D’s birthday. D’s FIRST birthday. Be still my heart. His birthday comes a week after mine and 2 weeks before B’s Christmas Day birthday. We had a small family birthday party for D and he was is spoiled absolutely rotten!

I can’t believe my baby is a whole year old. Holy crap. This first year of his life and the entire year of 2013 have absolutely flown by!

Here’s hoping you and yours have an amazing, happy, healthy 2014!

 

Happy New Year from the Vinos!

365 and Counting

Dear D,

Monday was your first birthday. An entire year of being your Momma. 365 days of mostly pure bliss.

You’ve grown up SO much in your first year. You’ve gone from completely dependent on your Momma and Daddy to becoming an independent little man who wants to do it all yourself. From not being able to support your own head to a whirling dervish of motion and energy. Your mentality seems to be why walk when you can run. You are an inquisitive little thing. Every drawer and cupboard needs to be explored. You get rather irritated with the things that have baby proofed latches on them. They’re on there for your own good, I promise.

This first year has had some ups and downs, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. Your birth was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my entire life. Totally worth it.

D, you have brought me more joy than I ever imagined possible. You’ve frustrated me to the near end of my patience, too. That’s when Daddy knows to take over.

I definitely haven’t been the perfect parent, but I promise I’m trying my hardest.

You are the most amazing thing I’ve ever done in my entire life and I’m so incredibly lucky to be your Momma.

I love you to infinity and beyond.

Momma

Photo Friday!

 

 

Photo Friday…plus some bonus Saturday pics because I fell asleep on the couch last night. Oops. 🙂

 

The many sleeping positions of Baby D. 

This is around 1am Saturday. D has been fighting sleep all. week. long.

This is what B found when he woke up around 3am in an empty bed. Oops.

D’s first nap of the day. From 6-8pm. Oy

Bottoms up! (Ignore the bald spot. It’s actually filling in quite nicely.)

D and Poppa crashed out.

This is EXACTLY how I sleep.

Momma gave me a sweat mohawk.

These lips kill me.

After 40 minutes of crying, D finally gave in and fell asleep.

 

D hanging out at B’s softball games.

Hot stuff in his shades.

Mom, I am not amused.

D seems about as excited about the ball game as I am…

D was over the exersaucer. He just wanted to play one the floor with Momma.

Baby smiles. He’s doubled his lowest weight since birth, but he’s still so skinny!

D started sitting up in front of the boppy billow…

And this is where he ended up…

House warming at Uncle Rob & Uncle Patrick’s! D LOVED the pool.

I learned that I brush my teeth way too hard!

Any my absolute favorite part of the week…

D graduated from physical therapy!

 

D has been in PT for 4.5-5 months for torticollis. There is no such thing as a stupid question for the pediatrician! I was concerned about D not turning his head as far to the left as he did to the right. I left like an idiotic, neurotic, hypochondriac mom, but after my Mother’s Intuition kicked in the first time, I was not about to ignore it.  

D’s first graduation ceremony. 

 

 

Hope you had a fantastic week!

Love to you,

Lo

Naps

Dear D,

Child, we have to talk!

I know in your 6 (!?!?!?!) short months on earth you’ve had a lot of different schedule changes to adjust to. For the first couple months there was no schedule. You slept when you were tired and you let me know when you were hungry. Once you could finally eat and keep it down… 

Then Momma was finally cleared to go back to work but we still did our own thing and only dropped you off at daycare at the last possible second on the days I worked my paltry 2 hour shifts 3 times a week.

Then I changed jobs and went back to work full time. You were up and eating at 5am, burped, diaper changed, chilling and waiting for Daddy to get you dressed when I walked out the door at 5:45am. Daddy took you to Miss Tamara’s until after work, you guys came home, you ate, we played, you had your last bottle, burped and were asleep in bed by 8pm.

And then came summer. Glorious summer! (I work for a local school system.) We had two amazing days off, just the two of us, the weekend off with Daddy and two more fabulous Mommy and D days off. You were still up at the butt crack of dawn (like your Daddy), but you were coming around to the joy of sleeping in a little. Momma found out I had to take a 3-day continuing education course and it was back to up early to hang out with Grandma before the entire summer stretched ahead of us. Freedom to spend our days together doing whatever we darn well pleased!

Then Daddy’s Grandpa died.

A few days out of town for the visitation and funeral with zero chance of even attempting a schedule or letting you do your own thing.  Once we got home you started going to bed between 8-9pm, sleeping 10-12 hours, eating a full bottle, ready to eat cereal and whatever veggies I fed you and drinking a partial bottle before crashing for a 2-3 hour nap. You would take another 30-45 minute nap or two throughout the day and be ready to go to bed and start all over again the next day.

You have been exceptionally clingy since we got home… starting to cry whenever I left a room or you couldn’t see me. I even had to take you and your exersaucer into the bathroom with me so I could shower Thursday and you still screamed the entire time I was behind the curtain and you couldn’t see me. Even with the clingy-ness you were catching up on the crazy sporadic non-schedule and figuring things out for yourself!

Or so I thought.

You went to bed last night at your regular time.

You slept all night and woke up around your normal time.

You ate your bottle, played and were ready for your cereal and solids two hours later.

You fell asleep like you normally do.

But you were up 40 minutes later.

D, I love you dearly. I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world. An-ee-th-ing.

But?

I was kind of planning on that 2 hour nap time to clean up the house, do some laundry, have some Momma time, maybe shut my own eyes for a few minutes, take a shower. I adore the extra time we get together today, but I smell.

Can we please figure out a schedule that works for us?

I love you to infinity and beyond.

Love,

Your (stinky) Momma

Photo Friday

Photo Friday has pics from the last two weeks.

I promise I had good intentions of posting last week. Friday morning I got a (mass!!!!) text from my MIL telling us that B’s Grandpa had passed away.

Yes, a mass text. Seriously? Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. Who does that?!? Call me crazy, but that isn’t something I want to find out in a freaking text message. 

The past week has been a whirlwind of out of town visitation, funeral and spending time with the entire extended family. Definitely sucks that Grandpa is gone, but he was very ill and his suffering is over. It was a wonderful, beautiful tribute to a father, grandfather and great-grandfather who will be missed beyond measure. Love you, Grandpa. Give Grandma a big hug and kiss from us. Until we meet again.

 

My favorite picture ever. The only photo taken of the four generations of Vino men.

Christmas morning 2012. Grandpa meets D ❤

 

D’s crib acrobatics.

 

 

 

D likes to cover his face with the blankets. I am not a fan.

 

 

 

Ha, looks like he’s wearing a cape.

 

 

Booty straight up in the air!

 

Sweaty head. I uncovered him more than once but D was determined to be covered up.

 

 

 

Covered himself with ALL the blankets.

Napping baby.

Knocked out.

 

Totally sprawled.

 

D would not let me put him down yesterday. Poor guy didn’t know up from down after all the out of town schedule changes.

I big puffy heart this picture.

They passed out during Daddy & D snuggle time. Thankfully B showered before they fell asleep. 🙂

 

Adventures in cereal eating. He’s a true Vino man… D loves to eat- anything and everything you offer him. Even the jalapeno chips Daddy loves. Yeah.

He isn’t smiling at me. He sees the squash.

 

Seriously, Mom. Put down the phone and give me that squash!

I will never feed D when he’s dressed again. What a mess!

 

 

I can’t believe my baby is 6 months old already.

Just hanging out with Momma.

 

Hanging out at Daddy’s softball game.

Happy (Grand) Father’s Day!

Vintage Father’s Day.

 

You’re welcome. 🙂

 

Hope y’all have a fabulous, safe, fun-filled, relaxing weekends!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Photo Friday… on Saturday

There was a awful stomach virus that ripped through the Vino family this week. Nothing says classy like being dressed up for a wedding puking your guts out on the side of the busiest highway in the state… 

Thankfully, D didn’t get the Both Ends Bug like B and I did, but he did get nailed with an awful upper respiratory infection. D was almost as needy as B. B tends to get man sick. Oy.

There was also a virus that decided to invade my computer. Hence the Photo Friday on Saturday. Oops. But, here we go, Photo Friday Saturday!

Seriously, what is with this kind and Über weird sleeping positions?

D has a tendency to sleep with his left eye open a smidge. It kinda freaks me out.

Why would I want my pipe in my mouth when I could just shove this blanket in there?

My grandma died two weeks before B and I got married. I stole these peonies from her yard before her house sold and transplanted them in our yard. This is the best they have looked in the four years I’ve had them. I miss Gram like crazy and I love having her flowers. Makes me feel like I have a part of her.

Only a 90* rotation from how I put him in bed.

D figured out that if he rolls from front to back over and over again he can move around the living room. D rolled himself right under the coffee table and got stuck. I’m a bad Momma. I laughed and took a picture before I helped him out from under the table.

Poor baby feels like garbage. He didn’t move an inch.

D crashed out in the car on the way to B’s softball game. And he’s rocking his adorable new hat from Tia.

He’s holding on to the corners of his blanket, just like his Momma does.

Poppa (my dad) spent the first day of summer vacation snuggling his grandson. I’m one of four girls, so Poppa loves the Man Time.

I promise, I do change D’s sheets. He has at least 2 sets of the same sheet.

D is ready to score some great deals at the neighborhood garage sale with Tortilla. Too bad we didn’t see the sign that said Friday 6-9pm. Oops!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One in Eight

Dearest D,

It’s National Infertility Awareness Week. This week brings awareness to the 1 in 8 struggling with infertility. These people have unprotected sex (Daddy will talk to you about that later!) for at 12 months without a viable pregnancy. There are so. many. different kinds of infertility.

Infertility isn’t all in your head. You can’t just relax and magically get pregnant. Despite what people tell you and how it worked for their friend’s sister’s uncle’s barber’s wife…

Infertility is a medical issue.

Infertility is a gut wrenching, relationship testing, tear-filled, self-esteem crushing roller coaster.

Infertility is a b*tch.

And one in eight struggle with it.

One in eight

• Have timed intercourse
• Taking basal temp every. single. day.
• Taking ovulation tests
• Inspecting the cervical musous on toilet paper
• Spend tons of money for medicated cycles
• Spend more time with a wand in their bits more than their husband
• Go through medical procedures to retrieve eggs
• And test sperm
• Countless procedures to monitor how follicles are growing
• Appointment after appointment after appointment
• IUI
• Embryo transfer(s)
• Sperm donors
• Egg donors
• Surrogacy
• Adoption
• Living child free. Which is not giving up! Living child free is a deeply personal decision.

D, these are just a few things people go through in their quest to have a family.

Mommy and Daddy are one in eight. We wished, hoped, prayed and cried plenty of tears in our journey to become parents.  You are our miracle baby.

Being parents isn’t always unicorns and butterflies. But it doesn’t have shit on the infertility ride.

We are some of the lucky ones.

I love you to infinity and beyond.

Momma

What A Difference A Year Makes

I wrote this a few weeks ago, but obviously forgot to hit post. Oops!

 

Dear Booger,

Today is Easter, a celebration of life.

Last year, on the day before Easter, I poas (peed on a stick) never, ever dreaming that I would see pregnant on the test without a not in front of it.

I wish I had taken a picture of the look on your Daddy’s face.

 After he told me to get the test out of his face. “Ew! You peed on that!” 

We went to church with Grandma and Grandpa Saturday night and Daddy called his momma Grandma. I wish I had a picture of her face, too. She looked like the cat that ate the canary. 

Easter Sunday we went to dinner at Grandma Shuggie’s house and called Papa on the way to let him know he was going to be a grandpa.

We didn’t want Papa to be out of the loop. He was so excited! You could almost hear him clapping himself on the back like he had something to do with it. 

We got to Grandma Shuggie’s and I was fit to be tied with excitement to let the rest of this side of the family know you were coming. Shuggie, Tia, Tio Mateo, Aunt B, Auntie H, Daddy and I all sat down at the table to eat. Shuggie prayed, thanking God for the food and for the time as a family together. D, I couldn’t help it. As soon as Shuggie said amen, I blurted out, “And thank you, God, that I’m pregnant.”

I thought Tio Mateo and Daddy’s eardrums were going to explode and start bleeding with all the squealing going on. Growing up in that house with three sisters, we were all used to shrill noises…

Booger, we’ve had some ups and downs this past year with my pregnancy, delivery and more admissions to the hospital than I’d care for, mine and yours.  But this crazy, upside down year went from finding out you were coming to being able to celebrate Easter this year with you.

I wouldn’t trade this face for anything.

D, you have been hoped for, prayed for, wished for and loved like no other little boy I know. You are the most amazing thing I have ever had a part in and you fill my heart to bursting with joy every. single. day.

I love you to infinity and beyond.

Love,

Momma

D’s first Easter.

Happy Easter from us to you!